So Men Created....

 Recently I joined a gym. Wanting to before but didn't because my most recent ex boyfriend told me not to join his gym and I should just walk around the block for exercise. Now that I go to "his"old gym I totally realize why he never wanted me to join...... a whole bunch of fine ass gym rats. Yes I've already bedded one. I hired a personal trainer to get me in shape, because I have some big plans coming up and me being at the top of my game is necessary. While my trainer was showing me everything he wanted me to do for my second visit in a day at the gym I realize men must have created these contraptions. Why? Because everyone looks sexual in one way or another. Crotches wide open, or asses in the air. One looked like something used in a doctor's office to do some ass procedure, any straight or gay man would love to have that one in the bedroom. All this had me thinking of all the things men must have created. And no I didn't look each up to verify, but I think I'm right on these.


 My List of Things I Think Men Created....

1. Gym equipment- like mentioned above they all look sexual, and if you look at the little diagrams on how to work the machine, just mentally add a second person to the diagram and you have porn.
2. Thongs/G-strings- well duh they'll tell us women anything is sexy to see our asses, I'm actually totally ok with this one because I like wearing them to the beach to eliminate tan lines, the only time I disagree with this is if a 60+ year old, fat, hairy wildebeest is wearing this to the beach or pool.
3. Purses- I know you might disagree with me on this one ladies but why wouldn't a man create something that is bothersome? Think about going to clubs or bars carrying one around. It's either in the way or if you can manage to set it down it's either in your lap or on the floor and you have to watch it like a hawk. So that's why I think women invented the satchel, so men will have to experience our burden. Because we all know a man is only going to hold our purse while we're trying on clothes for so long.
4. Microwave- So we can bring them their food faster. No they don't care that reheated hard shell tacos turn soft or soft shell tacos turn hard in the microwave. As long as they have their food fast! And to top it off they sometimes pretend to not know how to work it so they not only can eat fast but have nothing to do to get the end result. Think about guys asking how to get it started or them putting a poptart still in the shiny metallic wrapper in the microwave or putting in 90 minutes instead of 90 seconds. I know those fuckers aren't that dumb. They say they're the superior gender, well if you're so superior stop playing stupid to get us to do things we don't buy it anymore. Next time buy us some Bebe and see how much you can get us to do then.
5. Ambien- So they can either watch us do stupid shit for their own amusement or convince us to have sex with them. Or if they're like my ex, wait til I'm passed out to go through my cell phone and text my guy friends acting as me. All of these has happened to me. The first I don't mind because I'm normally laughing later myself. The second annoys me for obvious reasons, the most important being I ended up sleeping with some guy that had been trying and failing to hook up with me for months. The night he caught me on Ambien I was done for. That married, baby on the way, sack of shit! But on a lighter note here's some of the crazy shit I've done on Ambien.....
           a. Sent sext messages (pics included..ughh)
           b. Thought the reflection of myself in my window was Iranian women coming after me
           c. Eaten in my sleep
           d. Saw picture of a person on a cardboard box and thought someone was spying on me
           e. Thought my bed was a pirate ship and my dresser was the one from Beauty and The Beast
           f. Most recently was at my mom's and she told me the next day I was in her kitchen petting the           blinds and talking to the refrigerator. She subsequently told me not to take the Ambien to Vegas with me.
6. Make- up- Another thing for us to torture ourselves with putting on and taking off all just to look pretty for them. Well you know what? One day I'm going to apply my make up to look like Jabba the Hut and see how pretty men say I am then. And I know you can argue with me on this one to, with things like Cleopatra used make up. Yea and it was to get the attention of men. See in a round about way it's still all their fault. :)


     I'm sure I'll think of more before the days over and add them but for now this is my rant. Off to the gym to give men pretty good sexual visuals of myself on the workout equipment aka sexquipment.