What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas, Well Not This Time Part 2

     When I was booking our trip to Vegas I knew like I had mentioned before that I wanted, "balls in my face". Well when I was looking up tickets and dates I just couldn't commit to a particular show. There's like three male revues in Vegas and I just couldn't make up my mind, plus I don't really like planning. When we arrive in Vegas we see signs everywhere for the Thunder From Down Under show. It an Australian version of the Chippendale's. I think they're way hotter because they have those awesome accents. It might just be me since I have a thing for accents.

     Day one we're so exhausted probably since we both thought it was a good idea to party our ass' off the night before our 5:30am flight. We hadn't had a minute sleep since the day before. But we were stoked to be in Vegas and felt it appropriate to wonder from casino to casino checking everything out. As we're walking through the Luxor, which is one of my favorites by the way, we get waved over to a booth. They start asking if we're interested in any shows, and how much money I make a year. Find out they're trying to get people to view their new timeshare in the area and are willing to give us tickets to anything we want. I didn't know anything about timeshare but what I did know is that I wanted free tickets to Thunder From Down Under, especially since they were about $70 per ticket. What could go wrong? How bad could this be? Just a couple hours wondering around a condominium complex right? It had to be worth two free tickets and a voucher for dinner at the Luxor. HA HA HA HA HA!

     The next day we make sure we arrive in enough time to catch our shuttle from the hotel to the timeshare location. While we were making our way to the shuttle we decide to drink....a lot. I'm hammered by the time we sit down on the shuttle, with two pretzels, cheese dip and a water bottle in my purse. Quickly I realize after seeing like 20+ other couples on this bus thing that this is going to be boring as fuck, and apparently Jen and I are the only same sex couple. Looking at Jen with my drunken eyes I suggest to her we should act like we're "partners". She laughed and agreed. We kept on laughing about randomness the whole ride, mostly because we were drunk. And I'm sure everyone on that shuttle hated us. I'm sure because they tried cutting me off when I was making my way off the bus/shuttle/whatever.

     We arrive and they immediately escort us to a waiting area. What or should I say whom are we waiting for ....... Satan himself trying to get us to sell our souls for 80,000 vacations points per year. Once our escort takes us into a small conference room to see a presentation Jen and my show begins. Satan is asking us how we met, when, where, blah blah. I tell him we met in high school, which is actually the truth. But the not so truth that we're life partners. "I had to get married to a man and have children before I realized she was the one for me", as I look lovingly into her "I hate you for trying to make me laugh" eyes, and stroked her back. And it worked, I couldn't believe he was buying it, maybe I should look into acting. After one very boring presentation where we were told we can't use the restroom during, a few long stares of love, and a couple affectionate strokes we were off to look at the property. It wasn't bad actually, it really reminded me of an upscale retirement facility with a casino for the price of $15,876 down and a monthly payment of $1,175 for the next 7,465 months. Presentation, tour, and my buzz over, now we were lead to a very large and open conference area. Satan offers us sandwiches that had been there for days and a water. We sit now here comes the possible collection of our souls. Good God those prices are ridiculous, and every time I say I'm not interested the price goes down, and a manager pops up. I see they have the voucher for our free shit in their hand unsigned, and I feel so close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I swear they were waving that voucher in front of our faces just to see if we'd take their bait. Not me, ohhhhh not me. Jen's playing good cop, that bitch, while I have to be the bad cop. Normally no problem for me playing either because I can be a charming angel as well as a bitch with no transitional period in between, ask either of the ex husbands. As Jen is giving me the it's all up to you look like we are really life partners, and Satan breathing down my neck I snap. "I am ready to leave now, I'm hungry and I don't want to be here any more." Satan chimes in, "Well there's sandwiches over there." Rage has now filled my body and is taking over like a virus. After a few more minutes I get them to sign our voucher for the free shit that I'm now thinking isn't worth it because I just want to leave. The sirens of the casino have been calling my name for about three hours now.

     Now sitting in a much smaller waiting room, a woman, I guess Satan's wife offers us the same deal but for only $189 down and $189 a month. They've got to be fucking kidding me. How did we go from my soul to $189 a month? They are out of their fucking minds. Yes I was tempted with this deal, but I still had to say no just for the principle of it all. So she takes us to ANOTHER waiting room. We sit there for a few minutes watching a Vegas Drag show, why didn't they offer tickets to that? I might have spent my soul if they had had one of those Drag Queens giving us the presentation and tour. We get called to a little office where this petite Hispanic woman asks us what tickets do we want, shows over I'm not her life partner any longer when it comes to hot naked men. "Thunder From Down Under please", I say. She leaves the room and Jen leans over to tell me something. "Hey you remember when you were texting on the escalator and was a bit behind us?" "Yes?" I suspiciously ask. "Well he whispered to me that he could tell who wears the pants in our relationship". Damn straight Satan, me! Yes I might've been wearing a sundress, with BCBG wedges, but I for damn sure wear the fucking pants in my relationships, real ones or fake lesbian ones it doesn't matter.