I know what you're thinking. Since when do women rule the world? No I'm not on shrooms at the moment and yes women do. Just because the majority of the world's leaders are men doesn't mean jack shit. Men try to gain power politically to have control in some way of their life, and to prove they are powerful. Why? To impress women, or their woman and show them they have power and try to get their balls back. See while they may get to veto shit, and get escorted around by a limo service, with a bunch of men in suits, women are really telling them what to do. Think about that same powerful man coming home from a long day at the capital or where ever he works to stroke his ego. Gets home to his wife, and she's a controlling bitch. She tells him what to wear, what to eat, when they can have sex, etc... Then he feels like less of a man, she's in control. And I bet she doesn't even work a job, give a good bj or contribute in any significant way to get an all powerful leader of a country to do what she wants. It's not necessarily him being pussy whipped either. Hence the rampant cheating warpath they go on in spite of her. They still aren't in control even then. Deny is what they do when they get caught not for fear of the public, because most men in that position resign, but fear of their bitchy controlling wives.
This applies to all men, not just the rich and powerful, or regular Joe Smo that's married.
ALL MEN! Single men why do you work hard to make lots of money? for a nice bachelor pad? a sports car? Yes, but all those things are to attract what? Women. Or if you're gay, womanly like men aka twinks. So ladies we control all men whether we're with them or not, hot or not, or even know them or not. Every move a man makes is all in some sort of round about way to impress us. And in hopes to get into one of our pants.
Ladies now that you know you're responsible for all that goes on in the world, act like it! Stop being so controlling in the worst ways possible! I am so sick of seeing women treat their men like crap just because they're feeling a bit insecure. It's one thing to just be insecure in general, but insecure in your relationship means you're most likely doing something wrong, and you're doing it to yourself. Now I can talk bad about men and how much they annoy me or drive me nuts all damn day. But as you can see today's rant is about turning dumb bitches into smart bitches. You're always going to be a bitch one way or another.
The best way to control a man and to get him to do what you want is to not try to control him. Think about all the times guys treated you like they didn't care what you did. It only made you try harder to get their attention right? And what did you do to get that attention? whatever the fuck he wanted! Let's start using some reverse psychology here. It's not some new concept that was recently discovered. Men like a chase, give ém one. Plus then it shows he likes you for real, and you get what you want.
And because you know I like lists, here's a list of things I hate seeing women do to their man.
1. Go out with the ladies, and when your man decides he'll go out with the guys since you won't be home to fornicate you get all pissed. He wants to go out for the same reasons you do, to look at hot people of the opposite sex, drink, and dance with his buddies without shoes on in a circle surrounding their satchels. Why say no? You worried he's going to find a woman hotter then you that won't treat him as shitty as you?
2. Don't make him watch gay shit on T.V. I know I wouldn't want him to make me watch cars go in circles for 5 hours straight. So why make him watch people paint and decorate their neighbors house while on vacation. If you don't like what he's watching leave, work out, do your toes, read a book, take a bath, call your mother, all the things he wouldn't want to be doing with you.
3. Pitch fits to get your way. I think I hate this one the most. Mainly because it reminds me of my kids whining and pitching fits. It's so annoying. All's it does is just get him to agree to anything you want to shut you up. But that's the point right? Not necessarily, depends on what your bitching about. Is it him not sending friendly texts with his coworker your jealous of? Well sure he'll agree to not text but doesn't mean he won't e-mail her. (E-mails are harder to track too! at least if he's just texting her you can always call the phone company and get the records) And then next thing you know it they're banging in the copy room on lunch.
4. Get mad when he checks out other chicks. Get over it. Don't think he'll stop just because you tell him you're upset that he does it. He won't, and next time he might not check anyone out he'll just imagine what the bartender's nipples look like even if she looks like Whoopi Goldberg's twin. Let him check out girls, then this will give you full reign on scoping out men in front of him and even making subtle comments about it. Remember you're a woman and you have more of a shot of hooking up with the hottie on the beach then he does hooking up with the 40 year old woman at Zale's. Women control men, if not with their words with their boobies.
5. Complain about his spending habits. Unless you're about to file for Chapter 13 17 whatever leave it be. And don't mention you saw his credit card statements that said he spent $200 at the porn store until you see this season's latest Coach collection. Cash these tidbits of knowledge only when necessary, yes Coach's spring line is necessary.
6. Never talk shit on his bedroom skills. You just might be cut off. Then you'll have to pull out one of those 20 or so dildos your friends gave you for your birthday five years ago that you have in your closet and invest in a lot of D batteries. Honey I think Energizers stock just went up!
What to bitch about.....
1. Hair in the sink, that shit just gets everywhere.
2. Dirty laundry on the floor, bitch I ain't your momma.
3. His driving capabilities, no one wants to die just because he feels the need to race to Captain D's before they close.
4. Him banging other chicks, yes bitch about this then dump his skank ass and pray he gets herpes.
5. His hag of a mother, just because it's fun.
6. His friends being morons. That's fun too!
So ladies stop being stupid bitches, or I'll take your man (well as long as he's hot or if he's not I'll do it just for fun). We're already in control without trying, so why micromanage?
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