Gaymance

     Forget romance (it's overrated, thanks a lot Hollywood), even forget bromance, let's talk about gaymance. That's right I'm referring to that special relationship that a straight girl has with her gay BFF. I think every girl needs her own gay. Those days where I'd run into a friendly gay everywhere I went in Atlanta are missed. I haven't ever been without my own gay until I moved here to Florida.We don't have very many gay men here mostly lesbians. The only gay man I know here is our House Dad at work. He's amazing in every way. He cooks, does hair, talks about men, you name all the fun stuff he does it. I'm not going to mention his age (in fear of him kicking my ass later or maybe just pulling my hair and scratching my face) but let's just say he has more hot men knocking on his (back) door then I do at the good ol' ripe age of 28. And why wouldn't he? He's gay, funny as hell, and just simply amazing.

     Of course when I lived in Atlanta I had my share of gaymances. Even in Germany I had one of my favorite gays. I loved how in Europe people are so open about everything. Men wear speedos to the beach with no worries of harassment. Same goes with gay men/teens. I can't tell you how many fests I went to in Germany, (fests aka big ass out door party, where everyone get's shit faced on 500 year old cobblestone, and and smoke weed in the crevices of even older buildings downtown. And they have them year round, in every city there, any excuse to party for free out in public.) where I'd see teens as young as 13 being open about their sexuality. I loved it! Now I wasn't a big fan of seeing old, obese, wolf-like creatures wearing speedos to the beach, but the fact no one gave a shit made me happy. My dream is that before I die the U.S. of good ol A starts being more like Europe. The gays are free and open, the fat men free to wear their manly, leopard print g-strings on the beach or at the pools, and I can be naked at those same pools and beaches in my own leopard print g-string if I want.

Side Note: My 27th birthday trip to Ibiza, Spain was my first experience being topless in a public place. I had to get Larry drunk before he'd let me do it. I really think he gave in because he knew that I knew he was only their to see the local tits. So when I took my top off on those sandy beaches of Ibiza I felt so free. Then so pissed that the fucking prudes in the states had been keeping me from this feeling my whole life. Fucking bastards they are. We were born naked, so what's the big deal?

     So as of now I have no local gaymance. A modern girl really needs this in her life. What straight female relationship is as honest as a gaymance? Not very many if any. Think about it this ladies, how many times have you been getting ready for a date and you ask your bestie if you look fat in something, she always says no. She'd say you look great in anything. You want to test this? Put on some corduroy flairs, and a top with horizontal lines. Now ask her if you look fat. She's going to say no, because most likely she's single and misrable and wants you to stay on that bandwagon with her. BUT if you had a gaymance in that same situation, that queen wouldn't even let you keep those corduroy flairs in your closet, he'd already be lighting those bitches on fire in the sink. See that's a good fucking friend right there. Plus you can do an array of other awesome in your gaymance.

   Awesome Things You Can Do Having A Gaymance

1. Talk about boys without either getting jealous.
2. If someone says size queen in front of the two of you, you both look at each other with a look like which one of us is he referring to?
3. You two will most likely never have the same competition.
4. Your gay will never let you go out the house looking like shit, ever. Now the way he tells you that your original clothing choice for the evening sucks might be a bit harsh, but just remember he actually means well.
5. You can take him into the ladies room and/or dressing room without people thinking you're a whore and going to fuck in there.
6. He knows how to put dumb ignorant people in their place. This is my favorite. I consider myself quick witted, but sometimes ignorant people through me off by their stupidity. BUT if you had a gaymance he's got your back and will put that little shit in their place in a heartbeat. And then all's you have to say afterwards to the little shit is a good strong "YEA!"

     Someone please bring me a new gay!

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to offend anyone in particular, just trying to offend everyone!