Since working at the club I have a lot of free time on my hands waiting for customers to come in. We open early in the afternoon because let's face it men are constantly horny. And no one can put their finger on when exactly one guy will be horny/bored enough to go to a strip club. So to keep up with Mother Nature we try to stay open as much as possible.
When I first started last August, I'd just fuck around and play on the pole, or attempt to climb it. To this day I can't climb our Big pole on stage two. My fear of heights gets the best of me every time I try. Plus it hurts my shins. Other times I'd play Uno with my coworkers. Actually the Uno days are some of my fave days with the coworkers. If drinking was involved with those games I can see them getting ugly. Now when I'm bored at work I read mostly. Anything psychology or humorous. Hey I need an edge to get the most out of the customers, and it has worked for me. Or either I'm just very charming, yea that's it I'm charming.
One night it was so slow. My friends had just left from visiting me after receiving an "I'm bored come see me now" text. A group of four young guys came in. I had already got money out of two of the four before I decided to try conversing with them. There was a pretentious pussy (to make these types of guys feel like less of humans I tell them the truth which is I don't have cable or internet, and I read all the time. Because this country needs more people like me that do this and doesn't give in to the media's propaganda) amongst them that just rubbed me the wrong way so I knew I'd exclude him from the conversation. Sorry I don't speak jackass. The other of the two that hadn't spent money on anything but the bottled water he had in front of him remained quiet. His loss, maybe if he had had got some alcohol in his system he would've been more fun. Worked for me, I don't mind an audience.
The two guys that did have functioning mental and vocal capabilities were quite entertaining, and one was well pretty cute for a 21 year old. So to impress this younger generation I decide to tell them some of my ideas for some sketch comedy skits. What I think is a diamond in the rough idea that I hope catches on soon. Just try to visualize the following. And I'm describing it just as I described it to these four young men, with moldable minds.
The Paraplegic Stripper
*Upbeat rock music starts to play, maybe Kid Rock's Cowboy or Metallica's Sandman, I don't know you get the drift.
Suddenly a sparkle of chrome flashes and catches the corner of an audience members eye as the strobe light reflects off of a wheel of a wheelchair. Patron has a shocked but intrigued look on his face, and is curious to see what's about to happen.
DJ: Gentlemen get situated in your seats just like Sparkle here, because she's here to keep you just as glued to your seats as she is.
*Sparkle now is in full view followed by Jazmin pushing her out to the stage. Patron still curious, watches Jazmin pull something out of her g-string. It's a zip tie. She gets Sparkle to the pole slowly and seductively as the music gets faster. Bending over as Sparkle is flashing her pearly whites to the crowd, Jazmin zip ties the wheel of the chair to the pole and pushes the chair as hard as she can. She then backs off as Sparkle is spinning her little stripper heart out, her hair blowing in the breeze. The chair slows down as the music is winding down. Jazmin grabs Sparkle placing her hands on her shoulders for her finale. She starts shaking her shoulders back and forth violently to make every man in the audience want to be in the midst of a motorboat with Sparkle. Patron taken back by what he just saw makes it rain on Sparkles and Jazmin. Song ends and Jazmin puts a bucket on Sparkles lap while throwing all the tips inside. (Yes if you want to know, Jazmin is jealous of all Sparkles attention and doesn't give her the original 50/50 as per their agreement. She feels she deserves more because well she did do all of the work. Tough shit Sparkles, you should've hooked up with the late Superman when you had the chance and you wouldn't have been in this situation.) Jazmin rolls Sparkles off the stage. Patron now uberly horny patron decides he wants a lap dance from the wheelchair duo.
Uberly Horny Patron: How much is a dance?
Sparkles: It's thir..(suddenly interrupted by Jazmin)
Jazmin: It's $50 the house get's $10 so I like to make sure Sparkles gets what she deserves
Patron: Ok that works
Sparkles: (confused by Jazmin's statement) Let's go over there.
Jazmin: (whispers into Sparkles ear) You're going to get what you deserve
*Jazmin pushes Sparkles, and escorts patron to the private dance area. He sits. Jazmin proceeds to take Sparkles top off, she then dumps Sparkles onto the man's lap. Then moves the chair out of the way. Sparkles is now sliding down the man, and looks panicked. Jazmin catches her before she hits the floor, holds her onto patron and starts shaking her violently like she did on stage just this time on patron. Dance over, Sparkles slithers down patron like lava down a volcano. The money collected my Jazmin, of course and Sparkles loaded back onto her wheelchair. Mission accomplished.
So once I finish telling my sketch to the guys, they all had a very surprised looks on their faces. The two guys with a sense of humor laughed. Then the cute one tells me this, "Uhm so I think you need to get cable and internet back. You have way too much time on your hands. All the time is making you have sick thoughts. The time wasted on t.v. will prevent you from thinking of crazy shit like that." Then he laughed and said my idea was funny. His more intelligent friend thought it was hilarious. So we proceeded to the topic of nugget porn and how they sign the consent forms. Then of course it led to the conversation of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. I have a feeling McDonald's wouldn't appreciate my endorsement.
And then there's Tazer Panties.......
No comments:
Post a Comment